It’s the question I’ve been asking myself all month.

Six months ago Yair swept me away in his RV and took me to some of his favorite places (we discovered a few of our own as well). In all the time we were traveling I was largely going along with his decisions. This is something I’ve experienced on most of my family’s trips and I can enjoy letting go of the reins as long as I trust whoever is in charge to make it awesome. And it was awesome to experience all of those places with Yair and to see him enjoy the process of sharing and discovery. What a gift! But, when the call was made to return to Austin, and relatively quickly, I wasn’t exactly onboard or prepared and “letting go of the reins” started to feel like “out of control.”

In the month since our return I’ve manhandled my way back into the driver’s seat. I’ve signed a lease for an apartment, been in multiple interviews and am already working a part-time job, joined clubs, picked up where I left off with old hobbies and volunteer activities, and I’ve become more involved with my family – using free time to help out and catch up. It’s all felt good, though a little frantic at times. And I definitely lost some of that “zen state” feeling I was talking about in my last post…but all this work is laying a really solid foundation for a life designed and crafted by me, based solely on what I want.

But what do I want?

Starting over in a familiar city is a powerful thing. There are so many paths to explore, things I’ve always wanted to try but never had a reason to, things I’ve wanted for myself but was tied to something else. How do I choose? I’m listening to my intuition and not to other’s expectations, and allowing myself to take calculated risks. I’m feeling brave and bold and determined to keep working until I can step back and behold my creation…my own beautiful life.