In my last post I described how, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more confident in my values and have been using them to guide my choices. Through this growth one area has eluded me: my diet.

Funny because this was one of the first ethical choices I made for myself: to become a vegetarian (or, at least, to eat less meat). I grew up going on hunting trips with my father and was very aware that meat came from (often cute) animals…animals like us…creatures that have their own lives and feel pain and die. I never liked the idea of killing something simply so I could eat it.

I never learned to hunt like my father and brothers did. But I did eat the meat that they brought home. And I ate other meat my parents brought home from the store or that I ordered at restaurants.

But somewhere around my sophomore year of high school I decided, along with my best friend, to go vegetarian…ish. I never truly cut out all meat from my diet. And things like shellfish still confuse me. There was a brief period in college, when I was at my most idealistic, that I got pretty strict and even attempted going vegan…but I wasn’t able to sustain it.

Then I moved to Texas.

After some time in this big, meat-filled state my boyfriend and I decided to “try” some of the famous barbecue. And then we wanted to “try” a hamburger. Slowly but surely meat was making a comeback in my diet. I had grown to love cooking and adding meat to the menu was an exciting repertoire-builder. Having a partner in crime was crucial…knowing my boyfriend was onboard made it feel “okay.”

Fast-forward a few years and I’m in a similar predicament: dating a vegetarian, not eating much meat myself, and suddenly we both decide we’re going to “splurge,” to “try:” thus commenced the so-called “food extravaganza,” when we ate our way through the top restaurants in Austin.

It was a fun and delicious time but there was an implied end to the extravagancies that never came. Rather, the extravaganza part petered out while the meat part hung around…and our choices became lazy.

Now that I’m on my own I’ve had to answer my own criticisms…there’s no one to blame for my choices but me…there’s no one to distract me or reassure me…and so, finally, I’ve got to be honest with myself: time to be a vegetarian again!

Well, vegetarian-ish. I’m still going to eat fish occasionally (and maybe shellfish), I’m not opposed to eating meat that is otherwise going to be wasted, and I’m always up for trying something new (like a country’s famous dish while traveling abroad). There are lots of little exceptions but the point is to not be buying meat and thus encouraging the industry.

I’m going to miss the fatty-delicious flavors for sure but nothing tastes as good as it feels to be living honestly and in line with my values.