I gained a lot from my experiences at Flipside this year. The biggest lesson was in relationships and my evolving relationship with relationships.

After feeling dumped and duped by my last love I found myself retreating into a solitary mental space. A less trusting space.

When I realized that mistrust was guiding my behavior I took conscious steps to change that, and have largely succeeded. Vague, dismissive thoughts still pass through my mind when I’m confronted with intimacy but now I am aware of these thoughts and can acknowledge them and move forward.

I started dating a while ago and would catch myself testing my partners…looking for signs of trouble. And I watched myself closely. I wanted to do everything possible to avoid getting hurt again. But then I saw how disconnected I was from the process and hated it.

Turning back to lessons I learned from “The Artist’s Way” I decided, with a healthy sense of humor, to invoke some magic: I found a photo of a man that would represent my next love, I wrote all the qualities I wanted him to have on the back, and I carried it around with me. “Ask and you shall receive!”

It just so happens that this piece of magic was in my pocket when I went out to meet friends for drinks…friends who asked me if I was dating…friends I showed my list to…friends who quickly set me up with a match.

I’m now in a nice and slowly but steadily building relationship with Sean. I’m still very timid and am taking things slow. And I’m very much enjoying and savoring my independence right now…but it sure is nice to have someone to make dinner and go on adventures with!

It’s been over a month since we started seeing each other, and I definitely still get freaked out, but I like this slow climb. And I’m happy that I’ve come this far. Maybe the hard lessons from last Fall were lessons I needed to learn. Maybe I can love more honestly and completely now…certainly more humbly.

Regardless, I’m having a good time and we are helping each other grow as individuals. Plus, we made some cider!